Hi, we are Kim and Steve Cooper and this is The Love Safety Net Members Area. For 15 years we have been online offering an inexpensive and private alternative to marriage counselling and divorce.
Our Story
Many years ago Steve was working as a barman, coming home drunk most nights—long after our children were asleep. I was left at home—usually with no money—and three kids under ten I somehow had to feed and entertain.
I started to look online for help with how to deal with a husband who lacked empathy.
‘Change the locks’ was the only advice I received. I was told repeatedly that there was no chance of Steve maturing into a responsible husband and father, and that I was delusional if I didn’t attempt to block him out of my life.
Thankfully I didn’t listen.
Whether you stay or go, statistics show that resolving the conflict is always the best outcome.
How We Resolved Our Differences
Once I determined that simply separating would not solve our problems, I discovered that the business world had far better advice—on just about every level—than the soft-boiled romantic platitudes families are generally offered.
I stopped begging Steve to change and started taking action.
Help! My Family Is In Crisis
The Love Safety Net is a family-run, independent business that does not serve corporate, government or legal agencies but speaks directly to individuals and families in crisis. For 15 years we have been online offering an inexpensive and private alternative to divorce and marriage counseling.
The experience shared with us by our readers has provided nearly 2 thousand positive testimonials. Our work also helped change the definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders which now admits the need for more research.
We have raised a lantern of hope for families that were once told that separation–without closure–was their only path forward, even when the statistics show the very real dangers of this path.
Like most important things in life, still, there are no easy answers. Running a successful marriage takes the same level of skill and commitment as running any successful organization of people.
Similar to making a decision to get healthy and lose weight, the work involved in getting your family better organized will take commitment. Yet, just like the dangers of heart disease and obesity, the dangers you will face if your family remains in conflict may be life-threatening.
The conflict in your home will most likely escalate if you don’t make a decision to take action.
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Couples cannot always avoid separation and divorce. However, parents who are able to resolve the conflict will better protect themselves and their children if they live in different homes.
Statistics on child welfare show that, whether you stay together or not, resolving the conflict should be your first goal.
Whether you stay or go, the advice we offer will help your life move forward to somewhere more positive and safe.
Beyond Psychology
Because psychology tends to dominate the sphere of marriage advice, narcissism and codependency were the main concepts I encountered when I began searching for help. The focus of the online conversation about marriage politics; these terms became a central feature in our work.
Our work includes psychology, neuroscience and emotional intelligence training, yet the principles offered are practical. Our steps and exercises focus on the ‘nuts and bolts’ of running a loving and functional family.
The psychology helped us identify the bad stereotypes we had fallen into, yet our goal was always to overcome our differences and get our lives better organized.
As our work has matured it is less about psychology and more about marriage politics. Not the politics of governments but the personal politics of running a strong and successful family.
Steve and I are not experts, we are trailblazers. Our books share the successful steps that we have discovered on our journey, alongside our failures and frustrations. Our family’s journey has been difficult and messy at times. Still, we are proud of our independence and the raw honesty this has allowed us. We only hope that our trailblazing will help your ‘family’s recovery’ be an easier road than ours.
Our family are not perfect, but together always learning and growing.
I’m Ready for a Better Marriage! Where do I start?
Let’s take a look at a few different scenarios and see which is closest to your situation . . .
My Partner is Often Aggressive or Passive Aggressive and My Marriage is in Serious Trouble!
If your fights escalate out of control and go on for hours (or days) and your partner has become emotionally or physically aggressive, the best place to start is for you to work through the steps in Back From the Looking Glass . . . this is NOT a book to share with your partner but one you should work through on your own.
Back from The Looking Glass
End the fights. 13 steps to a peaceful home.
Back From the Looking Glass will provide the steps you need to deal with your partner, family and outside agencies better and build a safety net in your community.
Back From the Looking Glass 13 Steps to a Peaceful Home – The only reference book we know of with straightforward steps of what to do if you are in an aggressive/passive-aggressive relationship. Back from the Looking Glass is NOT a book to share with your partner but one you should work through on your own.
I Want Books and Audio Products I Can Share With My Partner
Reconnect is an audio series designed for couples to listen to together . . .
Reconnect – Appreciation & Respect: Simple and to-the-point, this first Reconnect session offers talking points to help cut through the garbage. No jargon or hidden agenda, Steve and Kim challenge some of the most common beliefs that make it hard for women and men to respect each other. Read More . . .
Understanding & Compassion
Reconnect – Understanding & Compassion: This second Reconnect session offers talking points to help men and women find the wisdom to become solid and responsible leaders in their families. Read More . . .
The Love Safety Net Workbook: Steps and exercise you can work on individually or as a couple that will help strengthen your family relationships. The Love Safety Net Workbook offers practical habits you can develop to help your family build emotional health and security.
The Love Safety Net Workbook
Workbook exercises to strengthen the 4 pillars of a healthy and stable marriage.
I am Ready to Work on my Own Destructive Emotional Patterns . . .
Do you give your best to your marriage but feel your best is never enough? If you have symptoms of Codependence, 10 Steps to Overcome Codependence is an easy reference book you can turn to while you are working on developing healthier forms of relating. Codependence is where family dysfunction begins . . .
10 Steps to Overcome Codependence
Has your partner stolen your happiness? Is your life spent waiting for them to call? End your Codependence and attract love and respect
You may think that you do not have any narcissistic tendencies, but they are easier to spot in others than in ourselves. Your Blind Spot is the book you need if you want to spot your own narcissism and address it.
Your Blind Spot
Steps to overcome your narcissism and arrive at the future you are yearning for.
Bad Marriage or Not – I Want Help Improving My Relationship Skills!
In the same way, a healthy diet and exercise will heal a whole host of health complaints, you don’t have to be in a bad marriage for our work to help you. Based on emotional intelligence training, attachment theory, parenting skills and corporate leadership training, our advice will help anyone who is on a path of self-betterment. A few of our books are more specifically focused on general relationship skills and might be ones you want to share with your kids, colleagues and friends . . .
The Little Book of Empathy Love and Friendship: This book might be little, but it is power-packed with ‘all the rules of the game’; all the social skills you may not have been lucky enough to learn growing up. How many of these ‘rules’ do you know and what gaps do you have in your social repertoire?
The Little Book of Empathy Love & Friendship
‘Switch on’ peoples’ empathy towards you and open meaningful connections in your life.
Emotional Stupidity: A humorous title for a serious book. While our work mostly focuses on the positive, sometimes it pays to have a closer look at getting it wrong and just how serious the results can be. This eBook contains some of the most advanced concepts in psychology, simplified and with pictures, but still not light reading.
Emotional Stupidity
Kim simplifies some of the most advanced concepts in human psychology.
Where ever you start, it is important you understand the fighting will not stop from thinking you can just do or say something different ‘next time’. In truth our emotional brain is much faster than our logical brain. Without consistent practice in advance, there is no way you will ever think faster than your emotions get triggered.
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