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Nourishing Affection

For better conversations in the future, spend some time today nourishing your affection towards your family. This is an exercise for the whole family.


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Kim is the author of seven books on the topic of relationships and emotional intelligence.

A prolific multi-media content innovator, Kim has created and shared a library of articles and multi-media educational tools including radio shows,
movies and poetry on 'The NC Marriage', and 'The Love Safety Net'.

This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. The (prideful and) self-protective way most people “automatically” go about “doing life”, leaves many of us “isolated within our own shells”, lacking confidence and fearing attacks. You are unraveling a chronic human condition that most people can recognize, which is also demonstrating that “it’s the truth that sets us free”. Once a family dynamic has established locked-in ways of looking at other members (via expectations, etc), some members can end up feeling like “the odd man out”.

    Just as Steve is saying here, my older son came to my own rescue and defense with my own family at a recent Christmas, and it was very much appreciated by me,… not to mention surprising! Sometimes (new, invading) negative and strident voices can infiltrate the more peaceful dynamic and begin to throw people out of balance. If they aren’t “called out”, these types can begin to assume they’re “in control”.

    There are umpteen variations on these themes, which is why we don’t really “pick up” on the very similar undermining patterns of negativity that are being expressed. People who are prone to deliver those braggadocious “cheap shots”, putting others down and on the defensive, are often quite aggressive and trying to throw others off their own honest center of gravity. What often amounts to “lies” are put forth, remaining unchallenged.

    In the biblical “armor of God” (Ephesians), the “belt of truth” is mentioned. When we become aware of our “truth” in such a way that we are prepared to express it positively, these automatic accusatory tables will be turned.

    It is sad that so much of “modern life” is unprincipled, and that so many have followed paths that they honestly cannot be proud of (in a good way). A lot of the things that motivate people to say and do what they do, is to project the “image” to the world that they are “ok”, when actually they are not. Shakespeare’s “methinks the lady doth protest too much” comes to mind.

    We can’t directly “fix” other peoples’ (hidden) problems, but we can express and demonstrate the value of our own truth. We’ll feel better if we do, and it will also help to make the world a better and more positive place.

  2. I thought this could be helpful to our family Steve and Kim thanks for sharing. My youngest son is also vegan and overall we only eat meat when we go out. We spent many years having to be home at meal times as we do things together. I have a hummus recipe which is delicious over raw or cooked veg. On a whole raw food is very nourishing and on a raw diet with juicing you can cure cancer in 12 months. I know people who have done it. We have been married for 43 years and have been together since we were 17. It definitely hasn’t been easy but it’s worth hanging onto. One day we were at the pub down the road and a fellow made a comment about how could my husband not be sick of bedding the same woman all those years. This man changed girlfriends often. My husband isn’t good with these type of things but the look he gave the guy made him apologize and retract his statement. We have had people try to come between us since before the kids were born and right up till now. It’s not easy the last one was our Dr and he nearly succeeded by putting things into my head that my husband as far as I know has been faithful etc. Obviously we have changed Dr’s and gone back to our original who is a lady that has always done the personal things for me like pap smears etc.. I found out that the other Dr was bisexual also that his wife still lived in his house even though he said he was an only parent. I have always not trusted people as my father brought me up that way especially not to trust men. Thank you dad. I’m sure I can trust my husband but it has taken years for me to believe this. I feel sure that we will be together till death which is what we both believe in. Thanks again for your input and have a very merry Christmas all of you..

  3. Kim and Steve,

    Thank you for this video. This will be a challenge for me. I see that I need to change the internal script that I have about my husband. Yes, my criticisms are valid: he withdraws, does not give affection, is not helpful with household chores and responsibilities, and behaves in self-centered and childish manners when asked to participate with family functions and responsibilities. However, I also need to have a list of positive things about him to nourish my own attachment for the long haul. I know our relationship will not improve until I do my own work. In the meantime, I need to remain open to him (rather withdrawing myself in anger over his behavior). I believe this exercise will give me a good starting point for keeping positive memories and staying focused on the end goal.

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