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Calm and Clear

This stand alone process—which is also unit four of my emotional intelligence master class—is about learning to connect with your inner wisdom to make better decisions.

The guidance offered will connect you with inner calm and clarity as your natural state of being. Not only is this a meaningful way to experience life but also the best pathway to high-quality decision-making. Use this process:


  • when you find yourself uneasy about a situation in your life
  • when you make important choices
  • when you are planning


Inner Connections – Wisdom for Decision Making 

The process will require you to set aside some time on your own, but once you learn how to access these states, you will never be at a loss how to occupy yourself when you are left waiting somewhere or alone with nothing to do.


The five inner states we will cover in this process are: 


1. Review

2. Release

3. Empathize

4. Conscience

5. Reason 



Doing an honest review of your situation is the easiest way to move quickly out of motivated reasoning—and other habits that warp our decision-making ability—and into a healthier inner landscape. 


How did the same situation you are facing right now (or similar) work out for you in the past? What difficulties and dangers did you meet? How might you have done better?


An honest review also requires gathering experience and knowledge from external sources.



Once you have spent some time doing an honest review, it is now time to do a check on what your heart and gut are telling you.


Releasing your ego’s hold on your thoughts can be the most challenging state to access. I will, however, give you step by step instructions that will help you calm your heart, slow down your breathing, be still and simply part of your environment. Let go of your thoughts and take in all that is happening around you, no longer trying to control your environment. 



You are now ready to move into a state of compassion and understanding. How are the people around you likely to be experiencing the situation in question? What are their needs and motivations? What might help you to be more in tune with the people around you?



This step is the most profound inner state and requires you to move entirely away from your ego’s drive to know the answers—and open yourself to a higher perspective on the situation in question. What is the right thing for you to do, considering yourself and the needs of everyone? 



After completing the steps above, the logistics of your ‘next best step’ should come easily. Our ego’s drive to be special and unique often puts us at odds with the people around us. Once you are in tune with yourself (Review and Release), in tune with those around you (Empathy) and in tune with your Conscience, your plans should now flow more smoothly.  



A five step process for decision-making may sound complex and time-consuming, but if you are tired of your life going round in circles and you want to connect with more meaningful certainty of purpose, this process is here to help you.

As you practice you should notice that the steps flow naturally. You will also notice that is is easier to access any of these states (without neccessarily following the whole process) as required throughout your day.

Read through the chapters above or allow me to talk you through the process in the two movies below…

Inner Connections – Part 1

Inner Connections – Part 2

Kim is the author of seven books on the topic of relationships and emotional intelligence.

A prolific multi-media content innovator, Kim has created and shared a library of articles and multi-media educational tools including radio shows,
movies and poetry on 'The NC Marriage', and 'The Love Safety Net'.

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