Today I have more Jordan Peterson for you, two life changing movies that Kim has helped me edit. In this first Jordan talks about resentment and the very different paths it can lead us down . . .
Before you start thinking you need to confront your wife about all the ways she oppresses you and limits your freedom, let’s make sure you have a strong grip on the cold hard truths about being an adult male . . .
Exercise: Tune in to your resentment. How much of it is about you needing to make a firm decision to carry that load (and stop shirking your responsibilities as an adult) and how much from you truly being oppressed?
Hint: We will talk about the ways wives can oppress their husbands in our next segment, but for now let’s make sure we have fully looked at ourselves:
a. Be honest with yourself! Have you been a coward in speaking up for yourself with people who oppress you outside your home (boss, parents, ex wife, neighbors etc.)?
b. Be honest with yourself! What are the areas in your life you need to make a sacrifice and take more responsibility? What should you stop whining about and take the load on of growing up?
I have included a list below of habits that could cast you as a Peter Pan:
- Computer Games – This one doesn’t need much explaining does it? In our home the boys were forced to stop playing computer games and choose a competitive sport at the age of 12. Both thank us for this now.
- Porn – No matter your justifications, would you like the world to know what you are looking at on your computer? porn destroys families and homes.
- Seeking attention from other women – This is neither freedom nor your right as a man; a responsible husband should know that his number one duty is to keep his life oriented towards his wife.
- Your life being oriented to your mother, father or your mates – Are you a child or an adult? Your parents wishes should be considered, but not dictate your affairs. You and your partner should be the authorities in your home.
- Alcohol & Drugs – Behavior that was considered cool when you were a teenager starts looking very ugly as you grow older.
- Not accepting negative feedback – This does not only include direct criticism but also body language and tone of voice. How do you respond when your wife is annoyed by your behavior? Do you back off or negotiate so you can live more peacefully together? Or do you throw tantrums (or ignore her and become resentful) or in any other ways behave like a child?
- Demanding that you solely get to make all the decisions in your home – This behavior looks more like how toddlers behave than true leaders. Does your family have a decision making process that ensures everyone gets what they need? This is a vital aspect of leadership that we will be discussing very soon.
This work will take some soul searching. Perhaps today is a good time to take a little time out for this work.
Not member of my leadership challenge yet?
Come check out what it is all about here:
Steve Cooper’s Leadership Challenge
How timely this post is. Having just dropped the responsibility ball today. I needed to take care of some car repairs, but instead brought my burden home to my wife (mommy) instead. Not good! That is my sacrifice, to be a husband and a man and not expect my wife to do all the jobs I am afraid to tackle because I don’t like dealing with trades people. We had a discussion about it. I listened. Not to many month ago I would have gotten mad, but now realize that my take on truth is often quite skewed. It only took me 65 yrs to figure that out.
I went through the questions and really gave them some thought. It’s sometimes hard to answer questions about myself because as a narc I’ve lived in a world of personal self-deception so long it’s hard to get to the real bottom of things. I think that the two last bullets in the list were perhaps my biggest Peter Pan moments. Though I know that I would pendulum swing between making all the decisions and then not making any. I also was big on temper tantrums when given negative feedback, though that seems to have gotten better lately. I obviously need help and that is why I am here. I want to grow beyond Peter Pan.
So many important topics here. The need for men, all men, to grow up and face responsibility in order to find happiness, respect, clarity of purpose and meaning in our own lives.
I too have struggled with facing my own responsibilities. The temper and the awkwardness.
The self-deception you mentioned is also a key topic for us here in the Leadership Challenge. So many men over the years have agonized over the reality of their own narcissism (as the achilles heel we know it to be) in direct contrast to their own sense of grandiosity, or self-aggrandizement. This is an ongoing struggle for men (and women, I believe) all over the world. How do we postpone the subjective analysis we provide for ourselves?
Peter Pan never grows up. He never sees the joy in providing comfort and stability for others. Our role as men is a role to be cherished.