Ego – Our Sixth Sense

Forget superstition, our ‘sixth sense’ is much closer to home . . .

Let’s face it – talking about ourselves and how fantastic we are, sometimes can feel just so good and so right.

Just like eating chocolate, being rubbed down with warm oil, drinking champagne or otherwise indulging our senses, stoking our own ego (or finding others willing to do so) can be a very sensual experience.

And just like other sensual indulgences, if we don’t learn moderation, over-indulging will exact a heavy toll on our life.

While our senses can certainly lead us astray, they do have a more mundane but very practical role: pain and displeasure are some of our wisest guides in life; whether the pain that teaches a child not to put their hand in the fire, the bad taste and smell that teaches us not to eat food which has spoiled, or the pain that instructs us not to get too close to something that’s likely to sting or bite.

And while our senses are great guides in teaching us what not to do – learning moderation in what feels good can be a much harder lesson to learn. A child left to eat too much cake will experience the displeasure of a stomach ache within the hour, while the effects of champagne on an adult may take half a day, and over indulgence in sex may have consequences (STD’s) that are not noticed until they endanger a person’s very life.

By allowing the pain our senses cause to guide us – while also becoming aware that too much of a good thing is often very bad – in time we will hopefully grow to become ‘sensible’ and further develop what is known as good ‘common sense’.

But while our 5 senses guide us moving through our physical environment, what about our social world of relationships? Our connection to family and community are just as important to our health and well being as the food we eat, and so it would only ‘make sense‘ that there should be senses to guide us through these other aspects of our life.

So rather than our sixth sense being something intuitive or supernatural – I propose it to be something much closer to home.

Our ego responds to praise or compliments in such a similar way to our other senses that it is often even described as being ‘fed’ or ‘stroked’.

Likewise if we get carried away with the good feelings our ego provides and avoid looking at the pain caused by embarrassment or shame, it can cause some very serious and unpleasant consequences in our life.

Blaming someone else for our embarrassment or shame when our ego gets bruised is one of the fastest ways to soothe the hurt and so is very human – but this will also cause us to miss the valuable guidance this pain is offering.

How do you handle embarrassment and shame? Do you look for someone to blame and then push it aside and try and just get on with your life?

This can lead to a situation where, like the drunk who eventually feels so bad all the time they don’t even realize they are hungover anymore (and comes to think another drink is the only way to feel good), we can end up with so much shame and embarrassment stuffed down inside ourselves that we think blaming someone else for our pain, talking ourselves up, or having someone else feed our ego are the only ways to feel good about ourselves.

There is danger in this just as sure as sticking our hand in the fire.

The truth is that ignoring our own embarrassment and shame is a sure recipe to damage our social well being and relationships, including our most valuable asset of all which is the relationship we have with ourselves.

Lose everything and you still have to live with yourself!”

Likewise, too great a longing for someone to praise and adore you is just as unhealthy as any other addiction.

Just like cake, a little praise now and then probably won’t hurt too much, but if you start craving it everyday you have a problem. And because it is the world of our relationships that our ego tries to guide us through, if we ignore these danger signs it is our relationships that will suffer.

Feeling superior may help us deal with fear and uncertainty and bolster an otherwise flagging self esteem, but it will do nothing to attract respect, love or affection.

Is your pride getting in the way of you learning what it is to be loved?

The reality is dawning that talk therapy may now be standing in the way of psychology advancing. Because learning to regulate our relationship ‘senses’, such as ego and emotion, is not about talk. Conversely, the ‘common sense’ habits this involves are just as practical as any of the other lessons our senses teach us.

If we lacked good role models growing up, unfortunately many of us didn’t learn to express guilt and shame appropriately.

Do you know how to listen to the painful messages others sometimes send you, while also guarding against getting carried away with your own self importance?

And I wonder how emotionally intelligent and mature you believe you are?

Do you think your family and friends would agree with you?

These skills are not hard to learn – all that is hard is finding the courage and humility to admit that you may need remedial work in some areas. Don’t keep blaming the lack of love in your life on the people close to you. Take charge of your personal development and progress and come join us on a journey that will change the way you experience life and how you feel about yourself.