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Restructuring your family can certainly be overwhelming. After apologies and reconciliations are made it can be helpful to arrive at a mission or purpose of your family staying strong and united.

For example: “To produce excellence in providing emotional and physical security and stability for all family members, including a home where we get to eat, rest, enjoy companionship and take care of our personal needs.”

The mission you decide on should be inspiring to all members. This is vital for success in working together as an organised group.

Mission statements should set a standard of quality in reaching these goals. Some families may strive to achieve excellence, while a basic standard may be more realistic for others. What matters is that the goal or mission serves all members’ needs and is agreed on by all.

A starting place may be a simple discussion of what different standards would look like. In our family, this conversation went something like this…

“What kind of standard do you think we should aim at as a family? Should we aim for excellence, average or just plain slack?”

We then asked the children what they thought excellent or average would look like.

It was a lively conversation that was full of surprises. We learned that our children valued many things we never would have thought of.

What would excellence look like to each member of your family? Does anyone have examples they have seen or experienced?  What would good, or very good, look like? What would average, or even basic, look like? Are there ways that an average or basic standard still might work?

Be ready for members to be focused on different areas of family life. Learn what you can about each other, and try not to be offended if members give examples from other families they admire.

Here is our agreed family mission statement as an example of what you might arrive at …

The Cooper family aims at producing excellence in providing:

  1. physical and emotional stability
  2. good governance that allows us to work together, like well-oiled cogs finding a natural flow
  3. a platform for growth assisting all members to reach their potential
  4. opportunity for strategic partnerships in business and property ownership
  5. a family social calendar where we take turns hosting family events where we eat, talk and do activities together
  6. a lighthearted and amenable atmosphere

Companies set aside large blocks of time to determine their mission statement. Likewise, this might be something to work on with your family while you have a weekend away from work.

Kim is the author of seven books on the topic of relationships and emotional intelligence.

A prolific multi-media content innovator, Kim has created and shared a library of articles and multi-media educational tools including radio shows,
movies and poetry on 'The NC Marriage', and 'The Love Safety Net'.

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